Topsy turvy, upside down and sideways – this cancer thing is one twist and turn after another.  So far I think the biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is the one with my mind.  Cancer is a game of hurry up and wait, come to terms with one thing then the next moment it changes.  Coming to grips with that has been a struggle for me as I can be a bit of a control freak.

*understatement of the year*

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A gift from my new intern/assistant/sidekick.

The MRI I had on November 7th showed two additional ‘suspicious areas’ this finding would delay treatment as they needed to be biopsied.  The radiologist that is in charge of reading my scans and performing my biopsies noted in the scan findings that one of the two areas would be difficult to biopsy with the help of ultrasound and would probably require a biopsy with MRI.

One biopsy down and  one more to go. We found a ‘spare’ mass ((radiologist said I had ‘busy breasts’)) and samples were drawn and the results just in – benign!  Next Thursday will be my next and hopefully last biopsy and then we can move forward on treatment.  This is the hurry up/wait/change the game/wait/hurry/change bit that I’m having a hard time with.  I simply want to move forward so I can begin to PLAN my life around this treatment.

Speaking of dealing with change ((ha!))

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In an effort to wrap my little head around change, I went and whacked off my hair.  I’ll enjoy this little pixie’esque cut until chemo starts.  I think I’m planning on a shave my head kinda party to kick off treatment.  I’ll lose my hair, yes… but this way it’s on MY terms and not in sad little clumps.  MY TERMS.

…and back to the photo of the necklace above… isn’t it awesome?  My new intern/assistant/sidekick, Tracy, made it for me.  It says ‘FIERCE’ and ‘BRAVE’.  I’ll wear this every day knowing that I have so many friends cheering me on, friends that have my back and friends that have faith in me even when I’m in doubt.

Tracy is going to help me during my sessions and keep me from losing my chemo brain in exchange for some boudoir biz education.  I look forward to being able to teach her the ins and outs of the biz side of things and I can relax a little knowing I have an already fabulous photographer who can step in if needed.  Things are coming together.

Fuck cancer!

Petra